Listen up journal: a Roger Klotz story
by InvaderBethany
Summary: A new kid named Doug moves to Bluffington and changes Roger's life for the better or for the worst. For years we have heard the story from Doug's point of view but now its Roger's turn. Rated T mainly for language. Light one-sided Roger x Patti, Roger x Doug, & Roger x Judy (As a young troubled teen, hormones have a way of getting the better of someone. Roger is no exception.)
1. The New Kid

Listen up journal! Its me Roger. Today a new boy moved to town. His name is Doug Funnie and boy is he such a pain in the butt! It all started when I was at the Honker Burger with my gang. He fell on the ground in front of me likes a stupid klutz and got ketchup all over my new expensive swede shoes. Instead of clobbering him right then and there, I decided to take him out back for a little chat. To mess with him, I told Doug the stupid town legend about the neematoads and he fell for it like a chump. He's such a dorky wimpy little loser! I can't believe he really believed me. I mean really thought that he could be popular. He really thought He'd be a hero. And its all because of finding a neematoad! Can you believe how gullible this guy is?! He's agreed to meet up at the pond at 7am tomorrow. I really hate mornings, but to laugh at Doug some more, I'll gladly wake up for that!


	2. Neematoads are real?

It turns out there really is neematoads… I've never seen one in my whole life but a neematoad came right out of the water. It was so slimy and disgusting. I thought we were all gonners, but Doug whistled and it jumped straight into his bag! It was pretty brave of him honestly. However, as impressive as it was, the new guy showed me up in front of my own damn friends and i'm going to have to make Funnie regret that if its the last thing that I ever do!

ps. I spent hours out in that dinky pond tonight trying to find a neematoad with absolutely no luck. I have no idea how Funnie managed to find one. God he's so annoying.


	3. School dance part 1

So today I stopped by Doug's. Why? Well thats none of your business! Today is the day of the big school dance and he was dressed as a big disgusting slug. What a lame costume! I can't believe that he is going the dance with Patti Mayonnaise tonight! She is only the best dancer in the whole damn school and she has to dance with a talentless loser like Funnie. He's never been to a dance before- probably because no one wants to be stuck with a loser like him. In fact, Doug says he hasn't even ever danced before! What a loser! For his own good I warned this klutz not to show his face at the dance. He'd only make a fool out of himself and more importantly Patti. So I suggested that I would be more than willing to take his place with Patti to save him the humiliation that he would likely receive since he has no skills. But of course Doug didn't take my warning to heart. If he makes a fool of himself tonight- and he probably will, it will be his own fault.


	4. School dance part 2

Its the night of the dance and I can't believe Funnie actually showed up. He sure looked lame in that slug suit dancing with the beautiful flower that is Patti Mayonnaise. Me? I came to the costumed school dance as a hammer. For one, tools are very manly. And second, ever heard of "Hammer Time"?! Its the perfect costume for a dance! Way better than Funnie's costume! She still wanted to dance with him instead of me though. Why? I don't know! What does Funnie have that I don't?! I'm cooler than Doug, tougher than Doug, and way better looking than Doug, so why did she pick him over me?! Even though I'd never admit it out loud, Patti's rejection hurt and even worse, people were laughing at me because of it. Talk about embarrassing. And you know what? Nobody embarrasses Roger Klotz and gets away with it! Especially if its because of a loser like Funnie! So for revenge, I went to the refreshment tables and stole some ice to put down Funnie's back. However it didn't go according to plan. I accidentally dropped the ice and and slipped… I did end up hurting Funnie's foot with my fall, but Patti, being the sweet girl that she is, just went along with Doug's painful hops and pretended that it was a new kind of dance. Next thing I know, everyone is hopping with them while I'm stuck laying on the floor unable to get up. One of these days, I will make Funnie pay!


	5. The lame-o science fair

Get a load of this journal! Today was the day of the lame-o science fair. Skeetface was dressed up as the solar system with planets hanging off his head mobile style. He looked like such a dorky loser and Doug had a volcano. Can you get any more basic?! I mean a volcano? Really that is the best you got?! Who hasn't made a volcano for a science fair project?! Its played out and it doesn't take a genius to make one. The fact that Patti was impressed by that is truly pathetic. Not that I care of course! Its just a dumb school thing…

So this year I made a super nova out of a firecracker. Do you know why? Cus this year the science fair is going to go off with a bang! Plus I thought that maybe if I was lucky, the school might be shut down for a whole week due to repairs to a wall or to the roof. But because of Funnie's project, Mr Bone came in with a fire extinguisher and ruined both of our projects. I'm getting really tired of Funnie always fucking everything up!

Luckily for me, word got out about Bone putting out the fire and the rumor got so big that people were saying that the whole building burned down. Using this to my advantage I was able to convince Funnie that it was all his volcano's fault. And because he is a gullible dork, I was not only able to convince him that his project started the fire, but that the cops would be after his ass too. God he's so easy to mess with! What a loser!


	6. Wheres Doug?

Half a day of school its done and theres no sign of Funnie. I guess my plan worked and I should be happy to have gotten rid of a loser like him, but I'm not. Its odd not having Doug around to torture. I tripped Valentine, gave Skunky a wedgie a, and spit balled Chalky, but it just wasn't the same. Normally I would take great enjoyment in making them all miserable, but not today. All I can think about is Doug. He's not tough like me. He could be in some real trouble and unable to defend himself. I wonder where he ran off too… And more importantly, Why do I care so much?!

I don't know where he was, hes back. Mr Bone must have found him some where because Bone just took Funnie to the principal's office. I was really hopping that Funnie was going to get in some kind of trouble either for ditching school today or for his stupid volcano project, but much to my disappointment, it turns out that Doug just won second place in the science fair. What an uneventful ending to such a boring and confusing day.


End file.
